Q I’m in university, about to start the spring session, which not many people attend. Campus is quiet, classes are smaller and I’m looking forward to the courses I’m taking. My only concern is that I’m moving into a new apartment, and none of my roommates are going to be there. They’re all working for the spring and summer, returning in September for the following year. I also don’t know anyone in my building, or if anyone will be there. I have one friend staying in school with me, but she lives in residence because she’s from out of country. To be honest, I’m a little scared of being alone with no one else around.
A Let’s get practical. You could invite your friend to stay with you in your apartment if one of your roommates would let her stay in their room. If possible, she could even vacate her residence and pay your roommate a little money as a sublet.
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If that’s not possible, you could walk around your building and find out who will be there for this next session, befriend them and exchange numbers. You could even look at each other’s schedules so you could walk together, especially in the evenings.
And I also strongly suggest you speak with campus security. They may not be able to walk you home if you’re off-campus, but they could at least make sure you get to your car, or the bus or as close as possible to your destination.
Lastly, if you’re walking alone at night, have a whistle around your neck and a flashlight on hand. Try to stay in well-lit areas and have your keys ready. You can be on the phone, especially with someone close by, as long as you remain alert.
Q My husband has decided to take a leave of absence from his work. He hates his job, it’s not what he wants to do, and he’s not making enough money to keep him there. Someone suggested he could do this without risking his position, for a brief period, so he can think about what it is he really wants to do.
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We just sold off a piece of property that once belonged to my father-in-law for a small amount of money. It’s enough that my husband has a buffer to not be bringing home an income for less than a year.
I was supportive of this decision, knowing we had the buffer, and assuming my husband would take every opportunity to maximize this time and find something he loves. To my shock, he’s been spending an inordinate amount of time at the gym. And to my horror, he’s been spending the bulk of that time with a particular trainer, a lovely young woman who is clearly besotted with him.
I had no idea until one day when I decided to try a new class. I walked by the window and saw the two of them touching, with their noses pressed against each other. I must have made a sound in my shock because they both turned toward the window.
I ran home and locked myself in my bedroom. He arrived minutes later begging for forgiveness. I want nothing to do with him. What now?
Leave of absence
A Now you call a lawyer. He must decide whether he wants you or the trainer because he can’t have both. If he chooses the trainer, your path is laid out for you: separation and divorce. If he chooses you, you must decide if you want to be married to him. Many marriages survive after an affair, but it takes work. You must decide if you want to put in that work.
FEEDBACK Regarding the great-aunt and her conspiracy theories (April 1):
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Reader 1: “The great-aunt may be lonely and finding a community in the conspiracy theorists. By blocking her, her great-niece may make her even more lonely and paranoid, more inclined to find community with the tin-hats, and prone to mistakes, poor health decisions, etc.
“The great-niece should consider all possibilities about why her relative is going down that rabbit hole and provide her the emotional support not to go there. Can she be a bit more resilient and let the stuff she finds offensive roll off her back, for the sake of a great-aunt she purports to love? Her letter was all about her anguish, and nothing about any pain the great-aunt may be feeling.”
Reader 2: “The writer’s great-aunt may have psychosis or paranoid delusions due to serious mental illness. Or there’s a possibility that a scammer is sending the messages and not her great-aunt.”
Lisi Tesher is a relationship advice columnist for The Star, joining her mother Ellie.
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