Remind yourselves that no matter how organized you are, sometimes you just have to let it go. No one will go hungry if you’re off your game for a day, says advice columnist Lisi Tesher, right, with Ellie Tesher.
My daughter is getting married. My ex isn’t ponying up a dime and refuses to walk our child down the aisle. But now his sister is insisting that his name should be on the invite. No, right? Ask Lisi
And Lisi advises a letter writer about allergy etiquette.
Remind yourselves that no matter how organized you are, sometimes you just have to let it go. No one will go hungry if you’re off your game for a day, says advice columnist Lisi Tesher, right, with Ellie Tesher.
Q My bestie has two dogs who shed massively. I love them but can’t be around them because I’m allergic. I can never go to her house or even get in her car. And when she comes to me, I have to give her a hand-held vacuum and a lint roller on my front porch before she enters. We laugh about it, but it is problematic.
Now her husband is throwing her a huge surprise birthday party at her house. Obviously I need to be there, but I don’t know what to do. I’ll be miserable, sneezing, watery-eyed and will have trouble breathing — not my idea of a party.
A You mentioned that you and a few other friends are taking this woman away for the night before the party, without the dogs. Have a private talk with your friend’s husband and explain the situation. Surely he knows, but maybe not to the extent. Suggest that he takes the dogs somewhere — a boarder, dog-walker, friend or family member — the day you guys leave. Then vacuum the house top to bottom, but mainly where the party will be, and open the windows, letting in fresh air. Twenty four hours later when you arrive for the party the house should feel fresh, and hopefully most of the allergens will be gone.
He probably wouldn’t want the dogs around for the party anyway, so you’re probably not putting him out with your suggestion. But I still suggest you load up on your allergy meds. And if you must bow out early, your friend will understand.
Q My daughter is getting married to a lovely guy. His parents are also very nice. We have spent some time together over the past few years, but not a huge amount as they live in another country.
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The wedding is here as my daughter and her fiancé live here. The three of us have gone venue shopping, flower shopping, food tasting, wine tasting and, of course, clothes shopping (though he wasn’t invited to the bridal gown adventures).
I have agreed to pay for a large portion of the event. She is my only child and I want to help them out. His parents are also paying for some things, along with all the flights and hotels for the family who are all out of town.
My ex-husband, who has little to no relationship with our daughter, isn’t contributing anything. She and I both asked if he wanted to be included, if he wanted to contribute, if there was something particular he wanted to pay for. Nothing. As per my daughter’s wishes, his name is not on the invitation. She didn’t want to be known as his daughter, and he has also refused to walk her down the aisle.
But now his sister, with whom my daughter is close, is livid. She called and berated me for omitting his name. I explained how it all came to pass, but she’s just irate. She has said she won’t come, and she won’t allow her daughter to be my daughter’s maid-of-honour.
My daughter and I are so upset, as is my niece. What do we do?
Wedding drama
A I assume if your ex-sister-in-law saw the invitation, then it’s been sent out. Therefore, there’s nothing you can do about that. You can try to talk to her and explain this is how your daughter wanted it. That your ex is invited and that she’d like him there and, more importantly, she’d like her aunt and family to be there.
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And your daughter should talk to her cousin. If they’re getting married, then they’re adults and your niece can do as she pleases even if it upsets her mom.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who can’t handle the wacky weather (March 27):
Reader: “The woman who feels out of control because of the wildly fluctuating weather can take action that will help her feel more in control and more positive. She can volunteer for a group that is fighting climate change in her community (because after all, this is what she’s talking about.) She can also donate to organizations working to fight climate change.
“She can write to her government representatives to demand they take action. She can talk to her friends about this to encourage them to do the same, and perhaps even to organize a neighbourhood group to take action, such as planting trees and pollinators, attending public information centres on local projects etc.”
Lisi: These are great ideas for the bigger picture. Which is, as you correctly noted, global warming and climate change.
Lisi Tesher is a relationship advice columnist for The Star, joining her mother Ellie.
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